It's not because you can only play fake, plastic instruments. It's not because you spent all of you budget surplus on gaming instead of real instruments or music. It's not because you have no style or, more importantly, a stylist.
It's because your band name is horrible.
On an old Ricky Gervais XFM episode, he hypothosized that a good band name is one you can imagine an announcer booming out over a packed arena. Few bands on the Rock Band leaderboards have names that can fit this bill. I've identified at least three types of Rock Band names, as outlined below with examples.
The Possibly Clever but Unfunny Joke
The thing about a band name that most people seem to forget is that it's spoken, seen, and heard over and over. The kind of joke that can fit into a band name is rarely lulz-worthy and never replayable. Often Rock Band handles are just crude. Thanks for the maturity, gamerz.
Examples: Jomeo & Ruliet, Officer Winsolow & the Urkels, Barder Than Thou, GO FIST YOURSSELF, Lactating Titties, Sotally Tober!, Just Human, Sects Fiend, (Witty Band Name)
Good Band Name, Already Taken
Occassionally one will see a Rock Band name that actually works. Unfortunately it's already used by a real artist or remarkably similar (sometimes purposely) to a real band name. These are my favorites.
Examples: Swell, The Winters, Everytime We Fail, Death June, The Ted Kennedys
The majority of Rock Band names are just horrible. Maybe they're inside jokes. Maybe the 12-year olds who came up with the think they're really awesomes. Whatever the reasons, they need to stop.
Examples: X-Box Killas, The Dealaz, Swan Struck, CARIBBEAN STUD, Sins of Sorrow, Jokerz Wild
This post leads to one question: "What's your Rock Band name?" My wife and I started a band named Gun Singer. Not great, but not in offensively band taste either.
One of the easiest posts to make (and best ways to get to know where I'm coming from) is a list of games I want to play. So here are the games I'm looking most forward to playing before the end of the year.
Star Wars: The Force Unleashed
After playing the demo for only two minutes, I had to call a friend to gush about the experience of moving a TIE Fighter and throwing it across a hangar. I enjoyed the Jedi Knights games and like the SW universe when it's done right. All signs point to this being a solid play.
Silent Hill: Homecoming
This may not be the best survival horror games this fall (see directly below), but when it hits at the end of the week, fans of the series will be screaming to see the unsettling atmosphere and Yamaoka's score in hi-def. It will be interesting to see how the new American developer handles this edition, which appears to be a sequel of Silent Hill 2, the best game EVAR!
Zero gravity. Strategic dismemberment. Minimalist HUD. EA is pushing survival horror in some interesting directions. The story is compelling and relevant and the buzz is all good. It's almost enough to make me forget that RE5 is delayed to spring '09.
As part of the big turn-around EA has made, Mirror's Edge looks to be one of the most original first-person games since Half-Life.The trailers have been impressive, leading some people to believe that the game may be too challenging or too easy. The initial reactions seem to be that it's somewhere in between. Personally, I can't wait to play what seems like the closest we'll ever get to a Snow Crash game. Remember: red means go.
Buzz! Quiz TV
This may just be a hi-def, wireless, and online update of a niche franchise, but as a fan of trivia games and social living room experiences, this is right up my alley. I've already got one challenger, a Brit who is already enjoying the European version. Americans have to wait till September 23.
This PSN title blends cutesy, Wind Waker-esque graphics and characters with extreme violence and an outrageous gameplay dynamic. This Team Fortress-style game asks players to feed cake to the "flag," a princess in this case. Bonus mini-game: try to find a screenshot of this title using Google image search.
Now in the hands of Bethesda (Oblivion), the newest entry in the cult-classic sci-fi series promises originality and depth. I'm already a little tired of the slow-mo videos of exploding enemies, but I'm hoping the game will have much more to deliver.